


mirror mirror

by mamalovesherbagels



Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo [5]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: but just a light warning if you're super sensitive to that sort of thing, can sorta be construed as eating disordered behavior at the very end, he's having body image issues my poor baby, not my intention because not going to go full on in that direction with him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:27:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28053879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mamalovesherbagels/pseuds/mamalovesherbagels
Summary: It's just some stupid jokes said lovingly, without a hint of malice. And yet here Chimney is, half dressed, scrutinizing himself in firehouse shower room mirrors.
Relationships: mentions of chimney han/maddie buckley
Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2048141
Comments: 3
Kudos: 12





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It feels stupid to him-- which he knows probably isn’t fair because if anyone else came to him and expressed all the same concerns about themselves that were currently whirling around in his mind, he wouldn’t tell them they were stupid. He would listen and then try and help.

But now he feel stupid, because it’s him and he’s 43 years old with a baby on the way and here he is, feeling a tension in his stomach as he looks at himself in the mirror. He needs to move and replace the towel twisted over his hips with actual clothes because he’s at the firehouse showers and he’s dripping water everywhere and the last thing he needs is for Buck or Eddie to walk in and see him measuring himself up like this.

And besides, isn’t this sort of… a girl thing? He feels like a dick for saying it but women are the ones subjected to the bulk of the unfair body image bullshit and he’s a middle aged man about to welcome his first child into the world in a few months in the middle of a pandemic, so maybe the way his stomach looks shouldn’t be at the top of his list of concerns. And usually it isn’t-- but these past couple of days it has been.

It’s stupid, it’s stupid because it was just a few harmless jokes said without even a drop of malice and he doubt they even meant what they were saying; they were just teasing.

Of course it all started with the renewal of that calendar. And there had been jokes about back when he was Mr. April, because he had been chosen because Hen tugged on the judges heartstrings, and he wasn’t offended by those in the slightest. All in good fun.

And then Buck, Buck who he knows meant no wrong by it at all which just makes him feel all the more guilty about stressing over it, had made a joke about how Chimney was old now and his glory days of being eye candy had come and gone. And then there were a couple more jokes from others about just how old he was for a first time father to be and how he’d have to be careful not to break a hip at the playground once Ruth was born and…

He knows they were just jokes. He’s not stupid, he of course knows none of them are scared he’ll break a hip playing with his unborn daughter. But it had got him thinking, which is dangerous when his mind is essentially a massive industrial factory for worse case scenarios.

He’s 43, Eddie’s son was born when he was 23. And maybe 23 is a little early but most people start having babies a little before or a little after 30, and he’s 13 years older than and oh god, in a few years when Ruth is old enough for preschool he’s going to be the only parent at back to school night with graying hair.

He shouldn’t care, but he does, and it shouldn’t be getting him thinking about how the rest of his body looks but it does.

They had all just been joking when they said he had only been chosen for the calendar because Hen picked a poignant picture, but what if they were right? He’s not… he’s not built like a typical firefighter. He’s small and his frame is slight and it’s yet another thing that shouldn’t matter to him but it does. When he arrives on the scene of a fire, do people in need take one look at him and think he’s too scrawny to be of any real service?

And really, how much longer is his body going to hold up and allow him to do his job? Sure, Bobby is older than him and still going stronger, but Bobby is bigger and tougher and more muscular and probably takes a hell of a lot better care of himself than he does. The jokes about how much he loves sugar used to just go in one ear and out the other with a smile on his face, because hey, it’s true, but now they just make him cringe.

(And maybe he… okay definitely, he owes Hen an apology for snapping at her for fondly teasing him about how much sugar was in his coffee that morning when now it had in fact been just black coffee.)

He’s going to be a dad. He’s going to be getting less sleep than ever and he’s already the least strong of his teammates and what if after a few months of new parenthood, his body just gives out on him and he can’t fight fires or be a paramedic anymore and he has to get some boring desk job to support his family?

No, he can’t let that happen he decides with a grimace as he buttons up his shirt, forcing himself to look away from the mirror. He’ll take better care of himself. He’ll eat less sugar and less takeout and use more spare moments at the station to work out like Bobby, Buck, and Eddie all do. 

“Hey! Chimney! Get over here!” Buck calls, waving him over the second he exits the station shower rooms, “Bobby won’t let us cut the cake until everyone is around!”

“Cake?” he asks, crinkling up his eyebrows in confusion, “what cake?”

“It’s Eddie’s birthday, remember?”

Oh, right. Had completely slipped his mind because he was too busy being stupidly superficial.

But… maybe it’s not dumb to be a little more watchful of what he’s eating.

“You know what… go ahead and eat without me. Don’t want any cake,” he sighs, and when everyone is looking at him like he’s suddenly grown another head he continues, “just not feeling very well today, my stomach is upset. Just going to go lay down for a bit.”


End file.
